Uncommon Rules for an Extraordinary Life
- No tattoos or piercings, corporeal graffiti and vandalism respectively. Men should have no piercings, and women should have no more than one simple earlobe piercing (per ear). These defilements can only detract from or diminish natural beauty.
Today, tattoos, and to a lesser extent piercings, have moved from socially unacceptable to socially acceptable to socially conforming. Tattoos have actually become a social contagion, and they are surely a symptom of some sort of mass psychosis. I mean, how else could we describe the phenomenon? At this point, they are proliferating like a plague of locusts.
I find it amazing, and only time will tell how long this insanity will last. Hopefully I will live long enough to see these eyesores return to socially unacceptable. But I am not counting on it.
Face tattoos and nose piercings are the worst for me. I just don't have the patience for them. I always want to say, Hey, if you want to talk to me, get that garbage out of your nose.
But that is not all. My sense is that there is a sort of in-your-face aggressive quality to these additions. They are designed to be shocking and make you uncomfortable. In fact, I would argue that this is the primary reason they do it. The motivation seems to be to visually inflict their psychological deficiencies on others.
By tattooing and piercing their faces, and then placing themselves in our various paths, these psychotics seem to believe that they can then force us to look at them, and pay attention to them: You will look at me! You will consider me. No matter what you think of me. But don't you dare stare at me like I'm some sort of freak. This aspect of it is certainly as important to the facially inked and pierced as any intended self-expression.
But no, I avoid these people like the plague they have become. Personally I will not tolerate anyone with that attitude. If my favorite coffee shop thinks it's a good idea to put someone like that behind the counter, they will lose me as a customer. Simple as that. Do I miss some interesting people? It's possible, but I rather doubt it. And the benefits of avoiding idiots greatly outweigh any possible loss.
So, many of these rules serve not only as a guide for our own conduct, but also as signals from other people. If someone has tattoos and/or piercings, not only on the face, but anywhere, it tells you something about his or her judgment, as well as their own requisite conformity and attitude.
But today, so many people have these... enhancements, right? Well, use this fact as a time saving tool. Focus on those without tattoos or piercings. Are there other manifestations of bad judgment? Of course, and we will get into some below. But tattoos and piercings have become so common, ubiquitous really, that these days we cannot help but also make some judgment about the people without them. Better (possibly good) judgment and attitude, less conformity. Yes, let's start with these people.
In fact, use numbers one through six to initially determine on whom to spend your time and energy. These are immediately obvious; whereas concerning other people, most other rules on this list will take at least some time to discover.
More on tattoos here and here. - If you are a woman, wear little or no makeup, maintain simple nails, and if you must dye your hair, only use what could be a natural color. Never attempt to artificially change your skin tone or color. Authentic beauty is best (and easiest).
It is a rare woman who looks better in makeup. And the more they wear, the worse they look. Same with those artificial nails and fake eyelashes. In Asia, women often bleach, lighten, or otherwise whiten their skin. It's truly devastating for their genuine, authentic beauty.
While none of these practices are as unappealing as tattoos and piercings, they are of the same nature – unnecessary and diminishing distractions. But I find this stuff disturbing in another way. Women do not decorate themselves for men; rather, they do it for each other. Which creates a sort of self-perpetuating feedback loop for what is attractive.
I mean really, how many men, anywhere, find excessive makeup, artificially lightened skin, and fake nails and eyelashes attractive? No, do not suffer this unfortunate delusion; these embellishments are always done for other women to notice. And perhaps more importantly, other women notice if a woman is not participating in these improvements. Because women will rightfully envy any particular woman who is confident enough to forgo embellishment. It is makeup peer pressure.
Let them talk; do not succumb to the pressure.
As for the blue hair, surely like face tattoos and piercings, there is a shock element to it. Especially when combined with some ridiculous hairstyle. But I think it is primarily done for narcissistic reasons. Look at me! And today, it is undoubtedly often used to make a political statement.
I hope it goes without saying, but if someone has face tattoos and piercings and blue hair, they are not stable, and you should keep them away from your children. Change schools if you must. See Number 66. - If you are a man, maintain a conservative and short hair style; facial hair should be kept to a minimum. If you must wear facial hair, keep it neat and trimmed.
More here on hair and beards.
I just have to add a line from Andrew Klaven, A Strange Habit of Mind (2022), regarding long, unkept beards:
One of those long biblical beards men grow when their heads can no longer contain their self-regard and it simply flows out of their chins all the way down to their sternums.
Klaven's description applies to all cultures. Don't do that. - Plastic surgery should be restorative or reconstructive only. Light cosmetic surgery (and procedures, fillers, etc.) may be okay, but it never seems to end there.
It seems to me that the goal of cosmetic surgery is to appear younger or larger (augmented). But if it does not appear natural, surely it defeats the purpose. Unnatural looking cosmetic surgery is a sign of, not only vanity, but just plain stupidity. Is it any surprise that so much of it does look unnatural? Definite signal. - Never be showy (ostentatious, flamboyant, gaudy, garish, tasteless). Keep jewelry to a minimum; absolutely no bling. Avoid bright colors and keep leather to belts, coats, and shoes. Leather tops and slacks are tasteless.
Flashing signals. Even leather jackets and skirts are most often tasteless in business or other formal settings. Avoid these except for the most casual environments. - Likewise, unless you are in a swimsuit for the purpose of swimming, or otherwise getting wet, or sunbathing, there is no reason to display your midriff in public.
Childish, tasteless, and often narcissistic. Also, you need not show off your belly piercing if you do not have one (see Number One above). - No marijuana, regardless of legality; certainly no harder drugs.
A waste of the little gray cells, and productivity, and time. It is absolutely fine if you disagree, but this list is probably not for you. - Limit prescription drugs; or better yet, avoid them entirely. Maintain a healthy distrust of pharmaceuticals, their manufacturers, and those that would prescribe them to you. The same is largely true for over-the-counter medications.
Too many people seem to believe that the pharmaceutical industry views you as a patient, when the truth is they view you as a customer. Big Pharma has no interest in curing you. Rather, what they want is a customer for life. - Do not smoke cigarettes. Do not vape.
It's just bad form. Looks bad, smells bad; it's off-putting and unattractive. Yes it's also bad for you, but my concern here is primarily how it affects others. I see no real problem if you want to smoke a cigar with a nice single malt, at home.
When I was a kid, I thought pipe tobacco smelled great. But today, I can't stand the stuff. Same with cigars, keep them at home. - Keep abreast of current affairs.
You cannot run your business or lead a responsible life without knowledge of current affairs. But if that is not enough, think about it this way: If you do not keep up with current affairs, what do you talk about? The weather? Sports? Lawn care? If for no other reason, keep up with current affairs so you will not be boring. Or, I guess you can always resort to petty gossip, like so many people do. - But be discriminating for your news sources.
It is important to understand that everyone has their biases. And almost always, news sources will have their own biases as an organization. Once you understand this reality, you can tease out some actual reporting, hopefully enough to craft your own view. But just to be crystal clear, if you believe that The New York Times or NPR or the BBC are neutral, unbiased institutions (and I know many do), you are a fool. - Do not use social media for yourself.
Use social media only as a reference tool. For instance, YouTube includes the greatest How-To library ever assembled. Linked-In and Facebook are the modern day Who's-Who, but with everyone listed. - Put your smartphone down. Deal with the person in front of you, not the people on your phone. More generally, be fully engaged with the person or persons in front of you.
If your smartphone is more interesting than what is going on around you, you are doing something wrong. If this is often the case, I question your intelligence. Definite signal. - Remember that the internet includes a comprehensive reference library in the palm of your hand. Use it.
Your smartphone need not (only) be a toy. - It is worth remembering that your smartphone and smartwatch, and even your automobile and headphones, are tracking/listening devices. When appropriate, leave them behind.
Even supposedly democratically elected governments are becoming more autocratic and even thuggish. I would not trust the off button; leave it behind. - For the above reason, and to hold everyone's attention, implement device free meetings. If someone is so captivated by or in need of their device, they probably should not be attending the meeting anyway.
Today, if you want to have a meeting, especially a serious meeting, insure that attendees leave all smartphones outside. For two reasons: No distractions and to allow everyone to speak freely (without risk of recording). - Do not assume that other people will use your preferred app for digital communication. Get yourself a secure, professional-sounding email account, and use it.
People who do not understand this are children. No, I do not have WhatsApp, and I'm not going to get it just to chat with you. Obvious signal. - Understand that there is an inverse correlation between intelligence and noise creation. In all situations, be cognizant of the noise you create and how it affects those around you. Invest in a good set of headphones; take calls outside, or not at all.
Noise is almost always willfully rude. If you are of that type, this is not your list. - Time is more valuable than money.
I once read that each hour that goes by means you are one hour closer to death. Can the same be said of money? I understand that some people, especially young people, have more time than money. But as money is available, use it to purchase time, from others and for yourself. If you use your time wisely, it will always be a good deal and a good investment. - Do everything in your power to not waste other people's time. It may be okay to waste your own time, but it is never okay to waste someone else's time.
It costs you nothing to be courteous. And if by happenstance, you do end up wasting someone else's time, be genuinely apologetic. - Always be on time, or early. Never late.
Picking up from Number 20, it may not be true that everyone's time is of equal value, but in order to be a decent person, you should act as if it is. More here. - Consider the amount of time you spend watching other people play sports, and talking about it. Your life should be full; keep it in perspective.
This speaks for itself. But it is truly amazing how much time people, mostly men, spend on this. - No computer/video games, or any gambling or pornography whatsoever. This is not a moral condemnation or judgment. Rather this is about time and productivity. Find something, anything, more productive to do with your free time.
I'd argue that a nap is more productive than this stuff. The same is true of social media (see Number 12). - Wake and sleep early. As a rule, early risers are vastly more productive than night owls. If you doubt this, just compare the activities of early risers before eight am with the activities of night owls after eight pm.
Early risers are tremendously productive before eight am. Night owls mostly goof off after eight pm. Are there exceptions? Undoubtedly. But as a rule, this is pretty true. - If you cannot gain acceptance to a top 100 college, find something else to do. If you go to college, get an education in addition to a credential. Do not go into debt to get any college degree. Treat college like a job, not like a party, and not like a political campaign.
When very few high school graduates went to college, it made more sense to attend a second or third tier college. But today, with so many young people attending college after high school, what exactly is to be gained by attending such schools? You'll still end up working the cash register at Target.
If you view college as a four-year party, and I know many young people do, then it seems to me that it is the most expensive party you could ever attend. I mean, you can party for four years without all that tuition expense. As for all the politics, both in and out of the classroom, my sincere advice is to do everything you can to avoid it. There will be plenty of time to develop your political views after you actually learn something.
Finally, I would say that if you are managing to avoid calculus, chemistry, biology, art history, creative writing, foreign language, Latin, Greek, history, religion, and western civilization, you are wasting your time and money. If that sounds like a lot, it is. It's called getting an education. - Start a business as soon as you are financially able to do so. If you fail, do it again.
Yes, starting a business requires a certain temperament. But in order to choose your own life and lifestyle, you must somehow manage to work for yourself. Customers and others will still constrain your choices, but your choices will be closer to your own. - First rule of business: Find good people to help you. And the corollary: Find people you enjoy working with and who want you to succeed.
It usually takes a while to find the right people. But once you do, do everything you can to hold on to them. - Take good care of your staff and they will take good care of your customers. (J. Willard Marriott)
This is so obvious to some of us. And yet so many managers don't get it. - As time and technology and culture change, it is worth asking: What business are we in? The answer may surprise you. (Rollie Tillman)
I had a business policy class with Tillman. The class consisted of those infamous Harvard Business School Case Studies. Tillman always started with the question: What business are we in? It was amazing how often the answer was not immediately obvious. - In all things, quality is more important than quantity and speed.
Even if you are making low-cost commodity widgets, the quality of your plant, machinery, management, and labor will determine the quantity and speed of your production. - Have a realistic view of your own competence. Complex tasks take time to master, sometimes years. (See Dunning-Kruger Effect)
Self-esteem oriented child-rearing, and later social media, have produced a generation of narcissists. When combined with a greatly degraded education system, we have also produced a generation of overconfidence. I would define overconfidence as confidence uncoupled from long practice and proven competence. Overconfident people have always been with us; but today this propensity has exploded.
And there is another aspect of this. Confidence has a bewitching effect on others. People are drawn to it. Whether it is deserved or not. And especially for complex tasks, this appeal can be misleading and problematic, and sometimes disastrous. So beware of overconfident people. There is nothing wrong with confidence if it is well-deserved. I would say that well-deserved confidence is often married with humility. So look for that union. In any case, ask yourself if his or her confidence is in fact well-deserved. - Acknowledge and address the negative. The power of positive thinking cannot and will not solve all problems. Avoid overly optimistic people who can be naive, imprudent, unthinking, hasty, ill-prepared, and often just lazy.
I have met so many people who say: I don't like negative people or I don't have time for negative people. And they are most often quite sanctimonious about it. But what they really mean is that they don't want people around them who refuse to gloss over problems. I think also they are often too lazy to try and solve the problems. These people are always surprised that everything did not work out in the end.
Sure there are in fact some truly negative people, and no one wants them around. But I am talking about people who have this attitude not only about the negative, but also about the diligent. Get rid of the negative people, but also get rid of the power of positive thinking crowd; keep the diligent. - Learn to identify shallow, overly polished people with no depth. Seek out people of substance. With practice this becomes intuitive.
Ted Baxter is the cartoonish epitome of the simpletons who surround us. Sure there is a spectrum, and some hide it better than others, but you simply must learn how to recognize it. - Foolish, stupid people know everything; smart people are aware of how little they actually know.
Intellectual humility is a beautiful attribute and important attitude. And if you have it, other smart people will find it appealing. Stupid people will fail to understand it at all – and that is okay. Anyway look for it. This is an excellent signal and simple to spot. - Find the quietest, most introverted person in the room, and ask for his or her thoughts.
As a rule, I have found introverted people to be more thoughtful than extroverts. Extroverts are so busy expressing themselves and being outgoing and likable that they have a lot less time for, you know, thought. - Articulate is not a reliable signal for intelligence: If someone is very articulate, that does not necessarily mean that they are particularly intelligent.
I have known too many very articulate people who are just not very bright, and/or not thinkers. Think politicians. As with overconfidence (see Number 31), it is easy to be misled by the well-spoken. - If someone is difficult to talk with (unpleasant, ill-tempered, prickly, churlish, easily offended, condescending, self-absorbed, etc.), they are almost always not worth the effort. There are exceptions, but generally do not waste your time.
More thoughts on this topic here. - All intelligent people are friendly. Whether they are sincere or not, they are smart enough to understand the utility of friendliness. Consequently, only stupid people are unfriendly.
Of course, not all stupid people are unfriendly. In fact, I'd argue that most stupid people are on the friendly side. But 99 out of 100 unfriendly people are stupid. Extremely useful signal. - If you find yourself in an environment unfriendly to business, move to somewhere, anywhere, more friendly to business. Do not waste time trying to change the environment.
You must decide how you want to spend your time. - Today, there is no good reason to live in an urban setting. Find a safer, more productive environment to anchor your career and lifestyle.
At least in the US, the people who run the cities are corrupt and/or incompetent. And as a result the cities do not work and are not safe. Find a place with an electorate and politicians who are more in line with your needs and values. - If your country/state/city is not loyal to you, ask yourself how loyal you should be to your country/state/city. Be prepared and willing to act accordingly.
The way Chicago and Illinois, and California and New York, and Minneapolis and Seattle treat their productive citizens is shameful. Take your taxes, your family, your business and any jobs it creates, your vote, and even your mere presence and go somewhere, anywhere, where you are appreciated and supported.
The same is largely true for your country. If your fellow citizens are no longer in line with your values, and support a government that is not in line with your values, it is time to leave. See Number 79. - Be distrustful and wary of government. Regardless of how it is installed, government always serves itself and its functionaries, first and last.
Picking up from the previous rule: Regardless of where you end up, keep in mind that government is not your friend or ally. It is worth remembering that everything government does, every policy that they originate and execute, is done at the point of a gun. There are very few voluntary government policies. This is why the less government, the better.
Barack Obama famously proclaimed (quoting Barney Frank) that government is simply the things we choose to do together. But that presupposes a naïveté that I do not for one minute believe he possesses. No, what government is, or at least what government becomes, is a cudgel for one group of people to force other groups of people to do as they wish. If we're very lucky the cudgel-wielding group is a majority with respect for minority rights. But far too often it is a loud or corrupt minority.
One other point on this. Therefore, I would be extremely leery of granting government, any government, a monopoly on firearms. Sooner or later, they will abuse this power. Just imagine government as the corrupt minority, but with all the guns, and you won't be far off, as this does in fact describe most governments around the world.
And if you don't think this is possible in the United States and other Western countries, you are simply not paying attention. - All governments lie to the public; some more than others. Bad governments lie consistently. The worst governments compel you to lie with them.
I think this stems from the fact that the people in government always think they are smarter and know better than you. When in fact the opposite is true. Nevertheless, that is what they believe. So they lie to you for two reasons: Because they believe you will react badly to the truth and to maintain their hold on power. - Always be skeptical of government competence and motivations.
No matter what and no matter where, the people who tend to go into government are the least competent people in a society. And their motivation, regardless of the tasks, is to achieve and maintain power. - Do not allow any government to dictate moral, health, or life and death choices for yourself or your family, including drugs and vaccines, other healthcare decisions, parent-child relations, war and conscription, etc.
Just look at our most recent conscription, the Vietnam War. And keep a weary eye on the government's Ukraine policies. Look at the Covid lockdowns and vaccine mandates. The 2023 Hawaiian fires. - In any society, with any form of government, there will always be many more Net Wealth Consumers than Net Wealth Creators. With various derogatory characterizations, legal requirements, and even violence, and with varying degrees of success, the Consumers will always attempt to enslave the Creators.
I have always thought that the most interesting examples of this rule are the Scandinavian countries, where the socialists have successfully enslaved the capitalists. Even to the point that the capitalists have developed a sort of Stockholm Syndrome towards the socialists. It only works because the capitalists allow it. I mean, they could and should leave. - In all circumstances, compliance is a choice. Noncompliance may be an unpleasant choice, but we should always be prepared to make it.
When I was younger and more naive, I always thought that the draft dodgers during the Vietnam War were immoral. But today, I would like for anyone to explain to me why (for what reason) the US wasted fifty thousand lives in that quixotic effort. So of course I would never allow myself, or my children, to be drafted into such a meaningless endeavor. And it must be added: Drafted by people of questionable motives and competence (see Number 44). Never.
Likewise the governmental response to Covid was shameful, and my family and I did not comply with the ridiculous mandates. The lockdowns only affected us to the extent that other people complied.
What is the worse that can happen? In the first instance, the government will jail you, but you will still be alive. Better to leave while you still can. In the second, you might lose your job (see Number 26). Each of us must decide where our priorities lie – and not allow others to make these decisions for us. - Consider a potential spouse carefully. Find out how they react in adverse or stressful situations.
My grandfather used to say that before you marry a woman you should take her camping. I think that was good advice in the 1950's. But today we face all kinds of stress, and I think only time can tell you how a potential spouse will react to it. Don't rush it.
Also this: People get sick, lose their jobs, suffer with mental illness, and weather catastrophes, the death of a child, etc. While we cannot know in advance how any particular individual will react to such events, I think it is worth thinking about: How would my potential spouse react and deal with this type of thing? And I mean, if they cannot deal with some lesser stress, we cannot expect them to deal well with the most serious stresses that life offers. - Do not be afraid to be alone. In any case, do not make relationship decisions, certainly not a marriage decision, based on fear of being alone. Being alone is infinitely better than being with the wrong person.
I have been with the wrong person. I have stayed with the wrong person for fear of being alone. And I have been alone. The first two are terrible. And being alone is not great. But it does have its advantages, and you can learn to enjoy it. - In fact, if you are under 30, spend no time focusing on marriage. If it happens, fine. But be realistic – most marriages fail. Don't waste time chasing it.
I might add regardless of age, spend no time focusing on marriage. If you ever chase it, you risk being tied to the wrong person. Learn to be alone. You might never get used to it, but it is better than the alternative.
I am not saying don't get married. But only marry if you find the right one. - If you marry, you and your spouse should form an inviolate single unit. Allow no disruption from others, including parents and siblings, other family and friends, and even your own children. (Steve Harvey)
This is such good advice from the legendary comedian and television host. It is common sense, but it is not as easy as it sounds. So make it a priority and do not allow yourself to be swayed from it.
One note, I remember Harvey saying that he got this advice from a pastor, whom I don't think he named. - Do not have children unless and until you can afford them, preferably within a marriage.
Actually if you cannot manage this, there is something wrong with you. - If you do not want children, do not have children. Think about this in advance.
The problem here is that most people do not think about this in advance. Ask yourself two questions: Do I want children? And, what kind of parent would I be? Also, take others' opinions for what they are worth; other people will not be raising your children. - Read broadly: Even if you cannot afford to travel, you can afford to read.
I have an ex-sister-in-law who would always ask: So, what are you reading? I always thought that was such an interesting conversation starter. I don't think it would ever occur to her that someone she is asking might not be reading anything. She knows her people read. Also, she's genuinely interested in the answer. She knows she might need to add it to her own reading list. And finally, she's happy to return the favor. - Speak proper English.
Regardless of your native country/language. This may not be fair, but it is the way of the world. - Practice good writing. You do not have to be a great writer, but at a minimum you should be a competent writer.
At a bare minimum, and for the reader's sake if not your own, master complete sentences, paragraph segmentation, and proper punctuation. And for God's sake, use the Oxford comma. In this day of the ubiquitous spell checker, your only spelling errors should be homophones.
Properly deployed punctuation improves the clarity of writing. So feel free to use punctuation beyond the comma, period, and question mark. That is, the dash, the exclamation mark, the colon, the semi-colon, the occasional ellipsis, etc. No, I do not care what they teach in journalism school. Journalism professors cannot even teach students how to convey basic facts. We are certainly not about to allow those sciolists to limit our punctuation choices.
I tend to write out single-digit numbers, but that is a personal preference. If it is terribly important, say in a contract, both write out numbers and numerals, for instance: Fifty-six (56).
When typing, at the end of a sentence, place two spaces after the period. No, I do not care if you were taught otherwise. Likewise, double-space after every paragraph. Yes, I do realize that these are old school rules, but they improve readability. In my opinion modern keyboarding teachers do a grave disservice to students by omitting these rules.
One other note on double-spacing after a paragraph. Personally, I find this much more readable than only indenting the first line of a paragraph. If you like the indented style, by all means use it. But double-space after the paragraph as well.
After you master basic grammar and punctuation for readability, practice conveying ideas and accounts succinctly. That is the goal. Yes, practice.
One more: If you insist on using emojis, save them for the end. Or better yet, just don't use them at all. - Read at least one book on etiquette and one book on negotiation.
Often overlooked and/or undervalued skill sets. - Master basic table manners.
After dining around the world, I think I can add: Master basic English table manners. You do not need three forks, but at least use one; and a knife and spoon. Yes, this applies to everyone, in and from all cultures.
Have you watched people eat noodles with chopsticks? The diner sort of slurps the noodles into his mouth, and when he's got a good mouth full, he breaks the noodles with the sticks, allowing the rest to fall back into the bowl. It is loud and sloppy. And while I am fully aware that they do not care, it is unappetizing to watch. It is the concern for others that led to the development of table manners in the first place.
As for eating with your hands, I guess it is one thing if there are no utensils available. But in my admittedly limited experience, silverware has always been available, making this practice unacceptably lazy and crude. And almost all people who do eat with their hands do not wash them first anyway. No pay attention, they do not.
I do not care if these practices are cultural. They are unappetizing for others. Do whatever you like, or whatever your culture demands, but just do not eat with me. And for God's sake, if you cannot eat with your mouth closed, also do not eat with me.
If you are dining with a group (here a group means one or more than yourself), or in a restaurant of any type, do not use your cell phone. Even if you have earphones, everyone else has to listen to you shout into the thing. It is willfully rude, the people who do this know it is rude, but do not care. Take calls and everything else outside (see Number 18). Or again, do not eat with me, or even near me.
And there is something else about smartphones. Unless it is some sort of randomly assembled ad hoc group (as in a cafeteria or the joint seating in a food court or maybe a lunch counter), the whole purpose of eating with others is to share, not only food, but also companionship and conversation. The whole endeavor is pointless if you sit there on your smartphone the whole time. See Number 13. Why are you there? You might as well go eat alone in the corner. No, I am not being mean or derogatory in any way; to be respectful to others, that is exactly what you should do. In any case, do not eat with me.
Table manners specifically and etiquette generally are a sign of civilization. If people lack manners, it's a sure sign that they're less than civilized. Perhaps harsh, but so true. - Learn to think critically and learn to think for yourself. Critical thinking is a character trait that most people lack.
Yes of course, critically thinking is a skill. But because most people are simply too lazy to engage in it, it is also a character trait. Also this: Perhaps it is my imagination, but I notice as time goes by, that fewer and fewer people engage in critical thinking, particularly among the college-educated classes. Where a college education once taught people how to think, today it teaches people what to think, which is tantamount to how not to think. Good luck with that. - Bear in mind that most people would rather be in the majority than be correct. (Nzube Olisaebuka Udezue)
Like Number 59, it's just easier. I heard Zuby make this point about how people reacted to Covid and the governmental/expert response, but I think it applies to most ideas and practices. If you are not familiar with Zuby, look up his podcast. He is an interesting thinker. - Maintain intellectual curiosity in all things.
This is a decision. We can make it, or not. But it is the in all things where most people fail. For most people, there are areas that are simply off-limits to intellectual curiosity. Most notably regarding religion and politics, but I guess any area that relies on dogma or theology. - But never be credulous about anything.
While we can all, on occasion, fall prey to cons and scams and other fictions, usually the credulous are unthinking and/or desirous of deceit. It reminds me of the saying: There are no victims, only volunteers.
Also, given the various items above concerning government, and its role in our lives (see Numbers 42–45), never be credulous regarding government pronouncements or advice. Absolutely do your own homework and take nothing the government says at face value. - In any conflict between the expert class and your own common sense, remember that common sense is sometimes incorrect and the experts often have a perverse and/or hidden agenda. Read more. Act accordingly.
- Understand that experts in all fields often fall prey to groupthink and conformity. Learn to identify and avoid these perils, and do not accept conclusions or actions based on them. Study dissenting views before coming to your own independent opinion.
Regarding Numbers 63 and 64, if you did not learn these lessons during the Covid pandemic and the governmental response, then you are incapable of learning anything.
Now there are people like Sam Harris who seem to believe that we should trust experts, because they are experts, and we are not, and further, we should heed their advice. I mean how many times during Covid did I hear: Oh, when did you become an epidemiologist? Oh, you think you know more than the scientists?
I have always admired Harris as an interesting thinker. But I have never subscribed to this belief. Again, if the whole Covid experience did not invalidate this as legitimate advice for anyone, then nothing will. Look, if your doctor says you should lose some weight, it's one thing. But if he says, I want you to take an experimental drug that has never been properly tested, maybe you want to give it some real thought of your own.
While these rules are not limited to medical issues, it is worth considering how so many physicians came to give bad advice during Covid. If doctors follow the best practices issued by the experts, then they are much less likely to get sued. So they simply do not think for themselves. So you have to think for yourself.
The overall point here is: Be leery of any advice that comes from experts simply because they are experts. See Numbers 59 and 60. - Your personal pronouns are: I, me, we, us, myself, and ourselves. All other pronouns belong to other people.
You have no right to tell other people how to speak.
More on pronouns here. - Just because other people tolerate and even promote insanity, that does not mean you must.
Whether it is tattoos and piercings, social media oversharing, smartphone mania, celebrity culture, urban lawlessness, pronoun madness and the cult of gender ideology, censorship and cancel culture and other woke lunacy, including the oppressor/oppressed narrative and the intersectional oppression olympics, Covid lockdown and vaccine hysteria, the so-called climate emergency, the ridiculous and factitious concept of islamophobia, the rise of left-of-center anti-Semitism, the current movement against a color-blind society (see Number 81 below), the war against truth (Numbers 75 and 76), or the entire academy-led progressive religion, whatever it is...
You need not participate.
And in my experience, if you do not participate in the current insanity (because it's always something), and you are honest about it with others, you will lose some friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. That is probably for the best.
Worth reading: Charles Mackay, Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds. - Judgment and judging are not bad qualities; strive for sound judgment.
Matthew 7:1-2 instructs us not to judge others. Fine, leave that to your God (and Caesar's judges). But that in no way means that we should not strive for sound judgment – for ourselves. This applies to our own ideas, beliefs, and actions. And our own critical thought (see Number 59). And if we lived alone on an island, perhaps that would be enough. But we live among others. So sound judgment certainly must include how we view decisions and policies, and ideas and beliefs, and yes, the actions, of others. It must include how we interact with others and whom we choose to interact with at all.
So, I may not condemn someone to hell, but using my own critical thought and sound judgment, I am perfectly at ease coming to believe that he is not a good person. I can tell you why; in fact, if I cannot tell you why, perhaps my judgment is less than sound. I may well choose to have nothing to do with him. But if he persists with his malfeasance, it may be necessary to take stronger measures in self-defense or in defense of others.
It is worth noting that these measures need not be physical. Bad people produce bad ideas all the time and all around us. Sometimes we can stop them with good ideas and public shaming. But sometimes, force is necessary to end malevolence. Think Hitler, think Stalin, the corrupt politician, the pedophile next door, the street hoodlum on the corner, even the reckless driver. None of these bad actors will respond to good ideas or shame. Sometimes the only possible manifestation of sound judgment is force.
Good judgment is necessary for a good life. Perhaps I differ just a bit with Saint Matthew, but I do not believe that he ever intended us to...not think. Although too many people ascribe exactly that to his injunction.
Finally, I think we should admit, that this entire list of 103 items is an exercise in judgment. Hopefully, my own sound judgment, combined with experience and perhaps learned wisdom. But you will have to judge that for yourself. As well you should. - But teach yourself to admit when you are wrong (you'll get lots of practice), and always be willing to change your mind.
Picking up from Number 67: But don't be hasty. In order to exercise sound judgment, we must first exercise understanding. And without full and complete understanding, we are likely to come to an incorrect judgment. This is inevitable. So be prepared to occasionally be wrong. Admit this first to yourself, and then to others. Make no attempt to hide your error. Make apologies if necessary and change course. Simple goodwill will take you a long way. And also, be prepared and willing to accept the genuine mistakes of others in return. - There is nothing wrong with disagreement and healthy debate. The honorable role is to listen to alternative positions, make better arguments, or change your mind. Only the intellectual coward seeks to cancel, censor, or otherwise shut down alternative positions.
This is one of those rules: If you do not understand this rule, this list is not for you. - Embrace questions. Never be afraid to ask questions; never be afraid to receive questions. Pay attention to how others react to questions.
If questions make someone nervous, perhaps their position is not as solid as they would have you believe. If questions make someone defensive, perhaps they have something to hide. And it is usually one of these two if someone gives an evasive answer or dodges a question. So ask your questions. And then look for two things. Of course, a satisfactory answer to the question. But also, the attitude around the answer. Needless to say, the same is true when you are the recipient of the questions. - Four simple sentences to remember: I do not know, I need help, I was wrong, I am sorry. (Louise Penny)
These little sentences need no explanation. The point is that we should not be too proud to use them. As with Number 68, goodwill goes a long way. - You cannot buy class. But you can improve yourself by reading, observing others (the good and the bad), and by exercising sound judgment.
We've all met people with more money than class. It is never a good look. But what I think many people do not understand is that class is free. Sure, money can help to display class, but it does not define it. Money also helps display a lack of class.
Class is free. Class starts with good manners. But it is also grace and graciousness, humility, integrity, generosity, and discretion. It includes how you present yourself, meaning your demeanor and behavior, being self-possessed, listening more than speaking, and extremely limited noise creation affecting others. And finally yes, importantly, class includes being well-read.
Here I must stop and again address noise, see Number 18. Noise is intrusive on one's neighbors. And in addition to being just plain rude, unnecessary noise is an absolute signal of no class. Necessary or accidental noise should be accompanied by an explanation and/or an apology, and your neighbor's needs should be paramount. Will there be times when you cannot meet this standard? Undoubtedly. But this is the goal.
Perhaps an example. The King of England is driving along, with his private secretary and chauffeur, on the way to some very important and formal event, when the car dies. This happens along side a farm, and the farmer is there working in the field, spreading manure. By the time the farmer gets to the road, everyone is out of the car. The farmer takes stock of the situation, gives a proper, but brisk bow to the King, and without another word, asks the chauffeur to raise the hood. The farmer has to return to his tractor for tools, but then, after some doing, he and the chauffeur are able to repair the vehicle. The farmer steps back and away from the King, thinking the party would proceed. But the King is also a man of class and he walks up to the stinky farmer and shakes his filthy hand and thanks him graciously.
So, who has more class, the King or the farmer? It is not about money; it's not even about station.
Class is primarily about comportment. - Follow the Waiter Rule: One's true character can be gleaned from how one treats staff or service workers, such as a waiter. (Dave Barry)
This rule speaks for itself, but I have written about it before.
Twenty years ago there was quite a brouhaha when the chairman of the Raytheon Corporation expropriated this rule from its originator, Dave Barry, without proper credit. I will not here make the same mistake. But it is an excellent rule and should be included in this list. - Further, respect your subordinates and what they do for you.
This continues Numbers 27 and 28, above. You respect them, and they will respect you. You respect the job they do, and they will respect the job you do. You cannot do every job; be grateful for the help. And let them teach you. - Understand that objective truth exists; our job is to find it or at least search for it.
- Understand also that many people do not believe in objective truth. Rather, they believe in subjective truth, relative truth, your truth, my truth, and their truth, etc. Avoid these people.
No matter what some people may believe, there is only one truth that can actually be true, the truth. That is the whole idea of true. Sure two things can be true at the same time: The wall can be painted blue and the wall can be curved. But the same wall cannot then be red or square. And yes, it is as simple as that. Anyone who makes it more complicated than that is, for any number of possible reasons, engaging in deceit and/or delusion (perhaps sometimes driven by theology or dogma or even political persuasion).
As for Schrödinger's cat, it is true that we do not know if the cat is dead or alive, but both cannot be true and both are not true (at the same time). It is simply one or the other. The fact that we do not currently know in no way changes this reality. As Number 75 states, our job is to find the truth or at least search for it – Open the cat's box and find out.
Do what you can to seek and discover the truth. - Recognize that some cultures (and subcultures) are better than others. Cultures that stress honesty, trust, merit, and seriousness are more successful than those that do not. If you question this fact, you should travel more.
- It is culture, not colonialism, that explains why some societies are more successful than others. The same is true for various groups within any given society.
Find more on 77 and 78 here. - Pay attention to your own culture and its concomitant politics and political order. If these structures start to break down or lose their moral compass, develop an exit strategy for yourself and your family. Smart, observant people left Weimar Germany while they still could.
I think it would be extremely difficult to time this well. Once you notice the cultural shift, monitor the situation closely. But do not wait too long to make exit plans or to execute them. If you are smart enough to see what's coming, don't then get stuck because you were waiting until the very last minute to get out. - Treat others the way you want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12)
While this injunction is found in many religious traditions, it does not require a belief in the divine to be useful. In fact, I would argue that it is entirely practical. We may treat others well out of the goodness of our heart. Or not. But we hope that they will return the favor. Some don't, but most do. - Judge a person not by skin color, nor by any other immutable trait, but rather by the content of his or her character. (MLKJr)
I think Dr. King would approve of my minor, but useful, addition. In any case, today with the prevalence of Critical Race Theory and the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) crusade, sadly we have completely abandoned King's injunction.
Let us strive to judge people by character and merit and integrity. - Live and let live (unless someone is causing harm to someone else).
This principle is quite interesting. Most people agree with it in theory. Just ask them (as I have). But very few seem to be able to follow it. People want other people to believe in their god, to join their church or political party or environmental crusade, and to basically think and act like themselves. This seems to be human nature. And when others fail to do so, this can and does lead to various levels of separation and dispute. - In almost all cases, your parent’s religion is an accident of their birth geography. This is not a sufficient reason to adopt it as your own. Bring your own critical thought and sound judgment to the question.
Look, you may believe that your religion is the one true faith, but if you were born in India, surely you would believe the same thing. Well, both of these beliefs cannot be correct. See Numbers 75 and 76 above. - More generally, do not adopt your parent's beliefs and principles as your own without first applying your own critical thought and sound judgment.
I have found that this mostly comes down to laziness. It is easy to adopt your parents beliefs as your own. No thought required. Do your own intellectual work. - At our core, we are what we believe. It is wise, and even necessary, to consider others' choice of religion, politics, worldview, and more generally their ethical beliefs and actions, in our assessment of them. These are NOT immutable traits; these are personal moral choices. We cannot separate, and should make no attempt to separate, who and what they are from what they believe.
Which tells you more?
He is a short, pudgy, white, American, 46 years old, divorced father of two kids, who lives in a Manhattan co-op on the Upper West Side, works as a public relations consultant, vacations in the Hamptons, has a penchant for Brooks Brothers, and drives a Tesla. He has a MBA from the Kellogg School at Northwestern University.
Or...
He is a nominal Christian, member of the Unitarian Church, who is a registered Democrat who voted for Bernie Sanders, and is a big donor to Brown University. He helped distribute Covid vaccine posters around the city, and according to his Linked-In profile, he uses He/Him pronouns. And if you ask him, he will tell you that, because of Elon Musk's recent behavior, he sold his Tesla and went back to driving a Prius.
If these are two descriptions of the same person, which one tells you more? I am not saying that both are not useful. But when it comes down to the essence of a person, I would argue that the second is much more useful.
So where does this lead?
If a man is an anti-Semite or a bigot or a pedophile, what more do we need to know about him? Surely these beliefs define the man. There are those who argue that we should hate the action, belief, or idea, but not the individual who commits or espouses it. But the fact is that I find some actions and beliefs and ideas so repellent, that I find it impossible to make this distinction. Or at least, I am unwilling to make the distinction.
There are endless political and religious ideas and beliefs that are repellent. And if someone holds these ideas, I'm sorry, but I do not believe the individual is worthy of anything other than enmity, regardless of any redeeming qualities they may also have.
And these are the easiest ideas to process. What about someone who advocates for gender-transitioning children? Or a parent who suggests this for her own kid? What about someone who screams climate emergency with every breath, yet flies around all year long on his private jet? (See Number 86 just below) Okay yes, he is not a pedophile or an anti-Semite, but he is also not a good person.
Finally, what about less harmful or perfidious beliefs? Say for instance a man supported firing his co-workers because they did not get a Covid vaccination. Surely he does not deserve our hatred. But I think we can and should evaluate this individual based on his beliefs and actions. Now we know who he is. Again, he may not be a pedophile, but we know he is not a good person.
Yes, here our standards must be very high. What if the Covid vaccine advocate is a good person in every other way? He just got this wrong. Well for me, the problem is how beliefs and ideas affect others. If you feel strongly that people should take the Covid vaccine, then by all means take it yourself and have your family take it. But when you force or coerce others to adhere to your beliefs and ideas, even if you use government as the tool of your coercion, that is crossing the line.
So here's a test for a good person: If someone attempts to force his ideas on others, by threat of violence, job loss, incarceration, or whatever, or just as importantly, he supports this (that is, he advocates for it or votes for it, even though he may not participate himself), he is not a good person.
Just to drive that last point home, in October 2023, the day after Hamas butchered babies, people in New York and London and Sydney, and around the world, cheered. While they may not have directly participated, these are terrible people. Every single one of them.
When someone tells you what they support, or what they vote for, or you observe their advocacy, these things tell you who they are. And if you pay attention, it is often repellent.
People are what they believe. - Be faithful to your convictions: Religious, political, environmental, economic, etc. If you cannot do so, or if you fail to do so, or if you are unwilling to do so, fine. But do not proclaim, profess, or preach them to others. Do not be a hypocrite.
When I was coming of age, this was most noticeable on the religious right. Think Christian, right-wing politician caught paying prostitutes. But today we mostly see this on the left. Lefty elites push rules that they do not follow, and will never follow. As Glenn Reynolds likes to point out: I will believe that climate change is an environmental crisis when the people telling me that it is a crisis start acting like it is a crisis.
Open borders are another good example. The left supports open borders because the consequences do not affect them. It is easy to support defund the police and gun control when you have your own armed security detail. Hillary Clinton moves about with twenty guns, but she does not believe that you should be able to move about with one.
But I think my favorite example comes from the far left, you know the people who bash capitalism at every chance they get. Often loudly, these days blocking traffic, defacing museum masterpieces, etc. But it never fails, they are wearing Nike sneakers and North Face jackets, drinking a Starbucks latte, and photographing everything on their iPhone in order to post on Facebook. Capitalism for me, but not for thee. I would love to meet just one Just Stop Oil type who did not use, well you know, oil.
I realize this is long, but I want to include a personal story. I first noticed this type of hypocrisy back in the early 90s. There was a large group of bicyclists who would ride up and down Franklin Street (the main street) in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, impeding traffic – at five o'clock each Friday afternoon. They were protesting cars and driving to work, and for all I know, wearing mink instead of Lycra.
But one day I happened to see the good cyclists arriving. How do you think that worked? Well let me tell you. They all drove their cars to a central, downtown parking lot (at the planetarium) which emptied out at five and you could easily find parking. Then, they took their bikes off their car carriers, and proceeded to wreak havoc on everyone else's Friday commute. They would ride one way and then back to the parking lot, where they would put their bikes back on their car carriers, and drive home.
I think it is worth noting that they only pulled this stunt in nice weather. Never in the rain, and never in the winter. I guess their arrogance and smug superiority only went so far. - It is almost always best to be honest, but it is moral to lie to prevent deliberate injustice. If government thugs show up at your door looking for Anne Frank, or a runaway slave, deception is the ONLY moral choice.
If government thugs want to inject you, or your children, with an experimental drug, noncompliance is the first choice (see Number 47). But if that is not possible, deception is the only moral choice. It is worth noting that government thugs always have the law on their side. Therefore, this deception will involve breaking the law. I think you should be mentally prepared for that possible necessity. - Maintain high integrity in all pursuits. You will never encounter a low integrity individual who is especially clever. For all their perfidy and shortcuts, they are never as smart as they think they are.
I really noticed this in the real estate business, which is full of low integrity types. I never really planned for their perfidy. I just maintained my own integrity and diligence which was always enough to stop them in their tracks. Sometimes at great pain to themselves and/or their clients.
Regarding low integrity types, I have learned that it is a waste of time to try to reason with them. You are certainly not going to change them. And it is not your job to do so. You cannot and will not make them better people. Also, don't explain yourself. Explaining high integrity decisions and actions to a low integrity individual is also a complete waste of time.
But there is good news: I assure you, high integrity plus smart always trumps low integrity. Always. Because low integrity is never smart. I have never run across a low integrity individual who is especially clever. They are never as smart as they think they are. The best you can do is first act how you think best, and then remove yourself from their environment. - If an individual demonstrates low integrity in one aspect of his life, it is practically assured that he has low integrity in other, likely all other, aspects of his life.
If you know that your friend is cheating on his wife, it is probably best not to go into business with him. Or maybe he cheats at golf, or failed to return the incorrect change to the cashier, or does not tip his servers. Or, perhaps you become aware of something more serious. Whatever it may be, it's a signal worthy of your attention. - Integrity and trustworthiness are more important than high performance or excellence.
While this rule is true on its face, one thing I have noticed is that many, not all but many, maybe even most, high performers have low integrity. One easy way to become a high performer is too take shortcuts. Your mileage may vary, but that has been my experience.
Now, have I met high performers with high integrity? Of course. And they are examples for us all. All the more so because of how rare they are. - Own your mistakes. Then do everything in your power to correct them. That is what people will remember.
We all make mistakes. And some mistakes are more serious than others. But if you follow Numbers 68 and 71, above, you will allow yourself to realize, admit, and correct mistakes. Remember, we, all of us, are not looking to be right, we are looking for truth. So put your pride aside and focus on truth. And the sooner you do this, the better. Again, goodwill will take you a long way.
Now, some mistakes are very grave indeed. And some cannot be corrected. Hopefully you will have developed the good judgment to avoid such mistakes. But if the worst happens, do try to be better – Because at that point, that is all that you can do. - Keep your expectations of others in check. If you generally expect others to act responsibly, you will often be disappointed and frustrated. If you generally do not expect others to act responsibly, you will occasionally be pleasantly surprised. The latter is better than the former.
Yes I realize this is extremely cynical. Probably too much so for most people. But I have found this useful for keeping frustration and even anger in check. You just don't get frustrated or angry when your expectations are pretty low to begin with.
Also, when I say others, I mostly mean strangers. I think it is perfectly reasonable to have higher expectations for family, friends, employees, colleagues, etc. Even acquaintances – You should expect your regular auto mechanic to know how to maintain your vehicle. But if the waitress brings you a salad with the wrong dressing, how frustrated should you be? Or something more serious; if you show up at the doctor's office and they have lost your appointment?
One final point on this. When it is something very serious, it is most often your own fault for a poor choice. Coming out of the real estate business, I can tell you the primary reason people hate realtors. They give no thought whatsoever to which agent and firm they hire to manage this expensive and important transaction. Instead they just call the name on the sign, or just as bad, they hire their neighbor's daughter-in-law who just got a license. And when they end up with an idiot who screws it up, they blame the realtor instead of themselves. - Do not tolerate toxic or graceless people; cut them loose. Expect and demand some minimum level of goodwill and behavior from others. Surely we owe this to ourselves.
More here. - In fact, there is a level of maltreatment that indicates that one no longer values a relationship with you, and that they have no expectation nor desire to maintain it into the future. Make no attempt to salvage the relationship; let that be the end of it.
Look, of course you can and should explore some known or unknown misunderstanding. But once that is out of the way, it's time to move on. - True friendship is a bond of reciprocal grace. We should be honored and grateful to have someone as a friend. But the reverse is also true. Others should be honored and grateful to have us as a friend.
If you are not grateful to have someone as a friend, what are you really? Well, something short of a friend that's for sure. A user or a taker, a fair-weather friend, an available acquaintance, what? - So focus on who and what is important.
How much time do we spend on the unimportant and trivial? I think we have to admit that sometimes this is unavoidable. Be polite, but do try and keep this in check. - And say no more than you say yes.
If it is important to you, or if it is important to someone who is important to you, say yes. For all else, say no. You simply must decide where to focus your time and energy.
Now look, here, I'm not talking about the minor niceties that we exhibit every day. Be as polite and patient and cordial with others (acquaintances and strangers) as you can. And of course, you might even go out of your way for an acquaintance or a stranger. But sometimes acquaintances and strangers will make demands on you or your time. Be leery of acquiescence and only acquiesce with your eyes open.
Also, if someone wants or tries to take advantage of you, maybe that is okay, and maybe it's not. But the decision to allow it, or to allow it to continue, should always be your own. Do not allow yourself to be pressured by your own goodwill.
Keep your focus. - At a minimum, learn to boil water on an open fire (this includes starting the fire).
Obviously this is not a survival list. But learn the basics; be able to take care of yourself and your family. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. - Be serious. It is good to have fun. But be serious about your relationships, your education and career, and your life generally.
It is just a simple fact of life: Most people are not serious. And they will gladly have you waste your time on their foolishness. - Live a life of moral venture. Happiness is not the goal. Happiness is a mere byproduct of moral venture. (Jordan Peterson)
It is supreme irony that only by coming to understand that happiness is not the goal that one might have any chance of actually finding it. So do not seek it. Find something important and meaningful to do. Happiness may or may not follow. Hopefully it will. But seek something better, higher, and more purposeful and pure than happiness – Fulfillment.
Now there are an infinite number of moral ventures. And I cannot attempt to define yours. But think about it, look for it, and live it. - If you follow these rules, you can expect some degree of ostracism. Whether by your own choosing or not, do not be afraid of being an outcast. Embrace it, and view it as the opportunity it is.
Look, this is not a mainstream list of rules. Many people will not appreciate them. And they will think less of you for following them. But if you are ostracized, surely that gives you more time and attention for the effort. I mean, the immediately previous rule alone takes a tremendous amount of time and work and focus. Ostracism may not be ideal, but it is a definite opportunity. - So if you are around people who do not appreciate your choice to follow these rules, find yourself some new people.
Or don't find new people (See Number 101). But definitely get rid of the old. When you live a life of moral venture, the new people will come. - And if you are lucky enough to find people who do appreciate these rules, hold on to them.
The goal is not to be ostracized or alone. The goal is to find the right people... your people.
Yes, there is some overlap, and even some repetition. And some of these rules seem very small and trivial. But none of them are. I could expound at length on each of them. And here, in this expanded version, I have made a start.
All of these rules are non-negotiable. But they are not for everyone. In fact, they are not for most people. They are for the rather uncommon people who choose to follow them. And it is a choice. Believe me, the choice will be obvious to yourself and to others. So yes, most people will not follow them, but they will gladly receive you into the vast fellowship of the inked and medicated, into the communion of the frivolous.
Now some people will pick and choose which of the above to follow and which to disregard. I suppose that is okay. But I submit that you will be more successful following any particular rule if you follow all of the rules. In fact, following only a subset of these rules misses the whole point. Ultimately these rules are a way of thinking and a lifestyle.
So, is this elitist? Elite in the sense that not everyone has access? Absolutely not. Everyone, everywhere can follow these rules. Given the global, interconnected, digital world we inhabit, I would argue that these rules transcend any particular culture. These rules are not elitist, they are merely...uncommon.
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